<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I’m Ready to be Heartbroken by Writingwife83</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860263">I’m Ready to be Heartbroken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writingwife83/pseuds/Writingwife83'>Writingwife83</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by P.S. I Love You, Past Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:21:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,418</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writingwife83/pseuds/Writingwife83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Solo can’t cope with the reality of losing her beloved husband Ben, feeling as if a piece of her has been cruelty ripped away. It’s only Ben and the plan he sets in place before his death that puts Rey on the path to find hope again, and the strength within herself to go on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Wifey’s Reylo Prompts</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’m Ready to be Heartbroken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaliak01/gifts">Amalia Kensington (amaliak01)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In case you haven’t closely read the tags yet, this is the final warning- You have now boarded the pain train and we are headed straight for angst town lol. Especially anyone familiar with the movie this is based on will understand.<br/>Lexie (Amalia K) requested this a while back and I loved the idea so much but I’ve been sloooow. XD I’m glad to have finally completed it! Hope you guys all enjoy the feels!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Spring, Last Year</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just can’t believe you said that!” Rey yelled, breaking the fifteen minute silent streak she’d stuck to on their walk home and rushing past Ben as he shut and locked their apartment door behind them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, whatever it was I said, I probably didn’t even mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you meant it! You always mean what you say! And how could you say it at dinner with your parents? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Your parents, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ben!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben sighed heavily, throwing his suit jacket off and tugging at his tie. “What? What did I say?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told them that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> would have a baby, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> not ready!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben froze, confusion etched on his features. “Wait...all I told them was that you wanted to wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, which means I’m not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glared at him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, I’m confused. Why is that such a bad thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey struggled with her sweater, eventually ripping it clumsily over her head and half pulling out her ponytail. “There we are with your lovely, sweet parents, and they’re talking about setting up a trust fund and hinting very obviously at the reason they might want to do that, and you tell them </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> the reason they shouldn’t do it yet. You’re blaming </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> for their lack of grandchildren!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben threw his hands up in the air. “They’re not even upset, it’s not a big deal. They were just asking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, c’mon. Their only son has been married for ten years and they probably don’t want to be using a walker when their first grandchild is born! They’re not pushy but they do make comments,” Rey shot back, her voice a little unsteady. “You could have just explained </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> we haven’t had a baby yet. We had a plan to save and get a bigger place first!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart, it’s been a little tough to save in the past couple of years,” he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shimmied out of her skirt, frowning. “What does that comment mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, you’ve been at five different jobs in the past two years. We haven’t had extra money to put aside because you haven’t stuck with anything for long enough to make something of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I like having one stupid job after another? Of course not! But I have to do something to make money!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben groaned, taking off his dress shirt. “I keep telling you, find something you actually love to do that doesn’t put you in a bad mood all the time. That’s more important than the money!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> miserable to live with, huh?” Rey huffed. “You’re willing to make less money because I’m just too horrible to live with!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that.” Ben kicked his dress shoes off clumsily. “I meant for your sake it’s better to enjoy what you do! And besides, who cares about the money? People have babies without money all the time! If you want to have a baby, let’s just have a baby!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I hate when you do that!” Rey started violently removing the decorative pillows from their bed, mimicking him while throwing. “Let’s just have a baby! You can’t just do something that huge without some sort of plan, Ben! How come I’m ten years younger than you but I have to be the responsible grownup?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben came over to the bed, attempting to help. “All I’m saying is that maybe it’s time to stop waiting and just make something happen if you want it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shrugged, shaking her head, a challenge in her tone. “Yeah, and what if nothing ever happens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we both have crap jobs, live in a cheap flat, and never have children for the rest of our lives? What if this is it, Ben?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted his palms. “So what if it is? Is this not what you want? Rey, what do you want? Say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused, both of them messily half dressed, eyes locked across the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, Rey?!” Ben repeated, a fire in his voice, flying around the bed to meet her. “If you hate your job, go find one that you love. You want a bigger apartment, I’ll get a second job. You want a baby, I’d have a baby with you right now, poor or not. Whatever you want, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>say it</span>
  </em>
  <span>! I already know what I want because </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m looking at it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But if I’m not it for you, if I’m not enough for you, then you better tell me right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s eyes hardened a touch as they filled. “Are you saying you want to leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben tugged his head back, brow raised. “What? You want me to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to go if you want to go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go if you want me to!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, then go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t push me, Rey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh just go and get it over with!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben let out a frustrated growl, stomping off in his undershirt, dress pants, and no shoes into the hallway of their apartment building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stood there, a few tears falling which were quickly turning from tears of anger to remorse. This was a bad one. It was one of the few times in their marriage that she wondered if she’d finally done it, really pushed him away for good. Maybe he really would leave her...like others in her life had left her before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sucked in a breath as she heard the apartment door open only a few seconds later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben stepped in and shut the door behind him, his eyes and voice instantly softened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we finished, sweetheart? Can I come back now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face crumpled. “Oh God, I’m sorry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey rushed forward, literally climbing over furniture to meet him halfway, as if the journey across their tiny apartment was far too long to wait. She leapt into his arms, her limbs wrapping possessively around him as he held her, secure against his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he muttered, first against her neck, and then her lips once he’d found them, stumbling over to sit on the bed. “I’m sorry I said that in front of my parents. You know I hate it when they get pushy with their money and I just can’t help what I end up saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m sorry I get so crazy sometimes,” Rey sighed, barely able to get entire words out for wanting to keep her lips pressed to his. “I just...sometimes I see other couples and what they’re doing and I worry that our life is just never gonna start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he whispered, hands smoothing down her hair and back. “Rey, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this is</span>
  </em>
  <span> our life. It’s already started. No matter what we do or don’t do, it’s still our life...us, together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed hard, not often brave enough to bring up the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When my grandfather was alive, when we got married, he was so angry. I was only twenty and you, y’know, corrupted me with sex and charm,” she said with a little laugh, fingers slipping comfortably into his hair. “He said it wouldn’t last...because I loved you too much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben grinned, letting out a soft laugh that warmed her from hear to toe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. We’re gonna last, Rey. Wanna know how I know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, her nose and lips brushing against his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because even after ten years, all I want every day is to wake up and see your face, to kiss you.” He stopped to caress her lips, then found her hand and held it tight against his chest. “And to feel your hand in mine. That’s it. That’s all I need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey managed a passionate but hurried ‘I love you’ before she completely melted into him, reveling in the contrast of his soft, pliant lips and tongue and the unyielding strength of his body as he lifted her again and shifted them both onto the bed. </span>
</p><p><span>He paused above her a moment later, his mouth hovering against hers as he spoke. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. </span><em><span>I’m</span></em> <em><span>with you</span></em><span>, ok? Always.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Good,” she murmured, already breathless even though they’d barely begun. “Then be with me.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Winter, Last Year</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sat up in bed with a start, heart pounding from a dream she couldn’t quite remember. It didn’t matter, she was pretty sure she could guess the general theme. It was always about the same these days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced at her phone lying next to her on the bed, seeing it was almost six in the evening. She hadn’t slept the whole night before, so exhaustion had finally caught up to her. Not that she felt any more rested after sleeping all afternoon. If anything, her head was pounding all the more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forcing herself to get up, Rey grabbed the still full cup of coffee from off of the large black box at the foot of the bed. She set it in the sink, passing the ever growing collection of empty takeout containers. She’d stopped really noticing them at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a little chilly as she crossed the apartment, so she grabbed Ben’s black sweater that had at some point been tossed across the back of the sofa. She pulled it over her head, drinking in the now very faint smell of him that still hung onto the fabric. Maybe it wasn’t even there anymore. It was possible even the smell was just a memory. She didn’t really care if it was real or not. She wanted it either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey crawled back onto her rumpled bed, laying on her stomach and perching her chin on her palms, staring at the box just inches from her nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we get some food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The black leather and shiny metal accents stared silently back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shrugged. “I kind of feel like pizza. Yeah, I know that’s a boring choice. But we could do the place around the corner with the interesting kinds, like fig and prosciutto. Oh, and that salad you used to like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze as something stabbed, sharp and painful in her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You used to like</span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that the first time she’d spoken in past tense? Rey hated herself instantly, angry that she’d given in, even in that tiny way. She didn’t want that. She wanted him, she wanted their life, and especially when alone she didn’t want to hint to herself that it was over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swiping a tear from her cheek, she tried to brush off the unexpectedly jarring moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or we could always do Chinese,” Rey said cheerily with a sniff. “That’s fine too. You can tell me whatever you prefer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stared hard at the box- the urn that held her beloved husband’s remains- and her vision clouded uncontrollably. Her chin quivering as she realized that she couldn’t take it back, couldn’t rewind that stupid verbal misstep and the weight it carried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell me,” she attempted again in a whisper, her voice breaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey knew it was too late. She’d burst her happy little imaginary world she chose to exist in, and now she’d be forced to have yet another cry in the bleak reality that was her life. Granted, it was only the second cry she’d had in the past twenty four hours, but her head was still aching from the last one so she didn’t relish the idea of an encore. She also couldn’t remember the last time she had any water, so it was quite possible this cry could be the one to do her in and leave her a dried up raisin on the apartment floor. In the moment, it honestly didn’t sound like the worst way to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door nearly made her jump out of her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey froze, waiting in silence, hoping whoever it was would simply go away. That hope was dashed with the second knock along with a voice on the other side of the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we know you’re in there, Rey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed in frustration at the sound of Rose’s voice. There was no way she was getting out of this one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shoved herself up out of the bed, using the too long sleeves of the sweater to wipe the tears from her face. When she went to the door and looked through the peephole, she saw that it wasn’t just Rose. Oh no, it was far worse than that. With her was also Finn and Poe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Groaning softly after hearing yet another yell to her through the door, she finally broke down and undid the latch, preparing herself as best she could. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Nobody’s expecting you to be ok yet, y’know,” Rose said, braiding Rey’s unruly hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave Rose a withering look through the mirror. “Then why can’t everyone just leave me alone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a difference between being not ok, and living in squalor and dropping everything and everybody else in your life. It’s been over a month, Rey,” she said, gently as she could. “You’ve gotta keep living.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Rey questioned, a hint of petulant child in her tone. “Can’t I just stop my life right here and now? Never go anywhere or do anything? The last ten years were perfect, so I’d like to just live in those memories forever, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to hear what I have to say about that...but you need to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey braced for impact, because she knew very well what was coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> want you to do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shrugged. “Yeah well, he doesn’t exactly have a say anymore, does he?” she replied bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose eventually led Rey out from the bathroom, cleaned up but still shrouded in Ben’s oversized and over worn black sweater. She was met with the sight of a gorgeous flower arrangement sitting on her coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This just got delivered,” Poe explained while tying up a bag of trash collected from the rubble in the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crossed the room, already admiring the brilliant colors and the contrast of ferns throughout. Beautiful, green...so alive. Opening the large card attached to the arrangement, she read the heart stopping words aloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy Anniversary, love Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt a chill rush through her from head to toe, and her eyes shot up to everyone else in the room who appeared as shocked as she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?” She looked desperately at Rose, then at Finn. “Did you do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head instantly. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose detached a recorder from the side of the flower arrangement, handing it over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey held the little device, turning it over in her hands and reading the attached note that said ‘play me!’ before glancing around the room one more time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, who did this?” But all she received were more confused stares and shaking heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With nothing left to do, Rey hesitantly pressed the little button, holding her breath. What she and everyone else in the room heard next was the last thing she’d expected to hear that day, a whole month after she’d laid her beloved husband Ben to rest…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, sweetheart...it’s me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God,” Poe muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey backed blindly into the sofa, needing to sit down as she continued listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Happy anniversary! I know this is kinda crazy and maybe even a little morbid, but I just couldn’t resist, since I know all of this isn’t going to be easy for you. I think you’re gonna be really proud of me, Rey. I have a plan! It’s been a few weeks now and I know you’re probably still hiding out at home, wallowing and wearing my sweaters...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But that’s not what I want for you, not even close. So...I’ve got letters, honest to God old fashioned letters coming for you in all sorts of ways. They’ll have instructions that I need you to follow. And don’t try and figure out how it all works because it’s too perfect, and I just want you to enjoy the ride.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s lips lifted a little even as her eyes started to fill.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve gotta promise to do what the letters say, even if you think I’m crazy. Give me this one last thing, Sweetheart? Ok? Cuz the thing is, I’m just not ready to say goodbye yet.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears fell down her cheeks as she silently agreed. She wasn’t ready either, not even close. In fact, if she were honest, she didn’t want to be ready. But she supposed that’s exactly why Ben concocted this crazy plan, outdated recorder and dear God, actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>letters</span>
  </em>
  <span> and all. He knew it would be like this after he was gone, because he knew her. Sometimes better than she knew herself it seemed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ben rattled off instructions for her to fix herself up and wear something besides his clothes for a fun night out, Rey felt a tiny flicker of hope for the first time in a long while. At the very least, this was a way to put one foot in front of the other, all while feeling Ben holding her hand and guiding her along the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time since Ben had breathed his last, she knew what she needed to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“PS,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ben added, closing out the recording. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m with you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Autumn, This year</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for meeting me,” Leia said as they walked through Central Park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! You know I’m always happy to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true. Rey had long ago come to see Leia as the closest thing to a mother figure she’d probably ever have. She would be forever grateful for the relationship she’d gained with Leia and Han because of falling in love with Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that I wasn’t fully in agreement with this whole arrangement with Ben’s letters. And I’m sorry if I’ve seemed harsh at times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, I get it. I know you weren’t trying to be cruel,” Rey assured her. “The letters have been...good. Great, even. He’s gotten me to go out and see life again, you know? And you don’t have to apologize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia stopped, turning and facing her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, listen, I need to say this. All my life, the way I’ve dealt with heartbreak and loss has been to soldier on. I know you’ve seen it. I lost two sets of parents, my hometown, my brother Luke, and so many others. But I picked myself up and carried on with life. And now here I am, having lost my son, my only child, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt like that was the only way to handle it. Now, I’m not saying I’m wrong, but I’m just explaining that to me that’s what has always made sense. That’s the only way I’ve ever known to cope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took Rey’s hand and gave her a little smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand now that’s not how things work with you, and more specifically, with you and Ben.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia grinned, a rare brightness in her eyes. “What Ben had with you, it was a connection unlike anything most couples have. Hell, I’m not going to pretend Han and I have it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey had to laugh at that, imagining Han rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I see now that it’s not the kind of thing you can pick up and move on from overnight. I know why he wanted to help you,” she said softly. “Ben was a part of you, and he understood that losing that part was going to take time to heal. I think what he did was the right thing. It’s been what you needed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That means a lot, Leia. It does matter to me that you understand it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, all of that being said,” Leia added, reaching into her pocket and producing an envelope. “I want to personally give you this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took it from her, staring in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sure it’s a little surprising,” Leia said with a little smirk. “Like I said, I didn’t always agree. When Ben asked me to do this for him, I didn’t want to. I thought it would hold you back. I thought it was tying you down to the past and to the pain of losing him. But I was wrong. This was his way of giving you a new beginning, something of your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s fingers caressed the envelope, her chin quivering a little as she smiled at her mother in law.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the last one, Rey,” Leia said gently. “There’s no more after this. And I just want you to understand something important- and this is from Han and I- we love you and support you no matter what. You were a part of Ben’s life and we’re more grateful for that than you can ever know. But now that he’s gone, our feelings for you haven’t changed. We’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> be your family, and be here for you no matter where you go or what you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, frowning with emotion as she looked back to Leia. “Thank you. For all of it, I mean. Everything you’ve done and said. I don’t know if I can ever really express how grateful I am. I just...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia smiled, giving her hand another squeeze. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The older woman bid her a good afternoon then, and Rey strolled over to a quiet bench, taking a seat and very slowly beginning to open the envelope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hated the finality of it. It would be hard to move on from all of this. The one connection with Ben she still had to cling to was about to be gone, and she was afraid it could feel like losing him all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she also trusted Ben, and knew that she wanted- needed- to hear whatever his final words would be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pulled out the letter, unfolding it and once again smiling at her husband’s almost irritatingly lovely handwriting. She wouldn’t have traded these few hand written letters for a million emails. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think I have long. No, not like that. Actually, you just went out to get ice cream so you’ll be back soon. But I also think this will be my last letter. I think I’ve told you everything...almost. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to talk about the past anymore, because I want you to think about the future, something new. And I don’t need to tell you what to go out and try or where to go visit, because I know you can take care of yourself. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What I want to say now is how much I love you, and how thankful I am that you felt the same for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey, by loving me you made me into a man that I can honestly say I’m proud to be. Being with you meant I always knew I was on the right path. That means now I can go without regrets. Thank you for that, and for the honor of having you as my wife. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So please, if you ever question yourself or feel lonely or unsure, just remember that to me you are everything. You have literally made my life, and it’s been my privilege to be a chapter in yours. There’s more to come, I promise.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know the rest of your life is going to be wonderful in so many ways, Rey. So don’t be afraid of it. And yes...that includes falling in love again. It’ll be amazing as long as you open yourself up to it. Don’t miss the signs, that feeling when you realize that life as you know it will never be the same. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never forget, Sweetheart, you’re not alone...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey paused and looked up, tears ready to overflow as she reached the end of his letter. A part of her didn’t want to keep going, didn’t want to see those final words. Because then it was really over. She knew she’d read and re-read these letters over and over again until her dying day, but somehow reading them for the first time felt more like a conversation. Every time after this would become a memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was ok, she reminded herself. It would be ok for her to go on after this, live her life and treasure her memory of Ben while not allowing it to overtake her. That was exactly what he wanted her to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted her to remember the girl she was when they first met, right here in this park. Rey smiled at the memory, thinking of herself so wide eyed and thrilled by everything she saw in the world. She’d been visiting New York through her university, but she had a laundry list of other places still waiting to fill up her passport. She had dreams and plans, even if they didn’t always make sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben loved that about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t sorry she’d settled here, marrying him less than a year later and setting those vague and sometimes unrealistic dreams aside. The ten years she spent loving him were a part of her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> was a part of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that she’d picked herself up though, dusted herself off with his prompting, and even recently started to make a new life for herself, she realized it would be ok to go out there again and explore in that wide eyed way she had when she was younger. Six months before this, she’d have hated herself for even considering these things; traveling, selling their apartment, maybe even moving away completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, she felt a sense of calm, of unending support. It was as if Ben was reaching out his hand and telling her it was ok to get up and keep moving. She’d felt it even with his first message, but now more than ever, she did truly know what she needed to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And to start, Rey let her eyes fall back to the page on her lap with a soft smile and a few tears. Not tears of pain but of gratitude for the love and hope that Ben had given her, long after anyone else would have been able to. But then, as Leia said, they weren’t like anyone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned reading his last words, her heart full to the brim as she felt the truth in them, loud and clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>PS- I will </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>always</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> be with you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well this first part was the fun bit lol. The rest is where things get real. Enjoy the pain train, everyone! Sometimes we just need something to hurt real good. :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*sniff sniff* I made myself teary more than once while writing this. I need to write some fluff today lol!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>